Wow. It's been an entire month since my last blog post. I've been busy.
As you all know, on February 24th at 8:04 am, we welcomed Annie Camerin Schellenberg to our beloved little family. Labor was painful (duh) but short and she entered our world with a bang. She simply wanted out. It's been almost 3 weeks and I have felt a variety of emotions:
Unconditional Love: before Annie arrived, Cam and I often asked ourselves, "How are we going to love another daughter as much as we love Isla?". The answer is simple: you just do. The minute she arrived and I held her wrinkly little body, I was completely, utterly smitten. I knew instantly that I would do anything in my power to protect her, raise her with morals, values and a strong sense of self. I was head over heels in love with my new little lady. My heart just doubled in size to make room for Annie.
Unbridled Joy: despite the pain and exhaustion that follows labor, I was filled with pure joy at our introduction to Annie. Seeing her, holding her, feeding her, snuggling her and sniffing her made me so happy. She is simply breathtaking.
Anxiety & Disappointment: I have had many moments of "how can I do this" since her arrival. There are days where I feel like Super Mom and there have been days where I am anything but super. I feel like I am disappointing Isla when it's 10 am and all 3 of us are still in jammies, breakfast left on the table, me covered in breast milk, Annie crying and me ready to press play on "Ice Age" for the second time that morning. I am still accepting that these days are ok... Isla will be fine if she watches too much TV and Annie will be fine if she cries a little longer some days. All I can do is my best. Easier said than done.
Desire: Since becoming a Mom (and more so the second time around), I desire more than anything to be the best mom I can. Being a wife and a mom are 2 incredible privileges that I want to honor as best as humanly possible. Throughout my day as I nurse Annie, or read books with Isla, I just think to myself how important my job as a mom really is. I want my family to know how much I cherish them and how truly special they are to me.
Exhaustion: Obviously there is the physical exhaustion... we all know that. But even more so, I am emotionally exhausted. Some days, all 3 of us are in tears by 11 am. The INSANE amount of hormones that invade ones body like a virus and simply take over is lunacy. I will cry at anything... literally, anything. Being physically tired does not help this.
Dumbfounded-ness (I am aware this is not a word. I don't care): What DID I do with myself when it was only Isla and me? I remember complaining about being SOOOOOOOO tired, and not being able to eat breakfast until 10 am, and not having time to shower etc... Seriously. I don't have the luxury of sleeping when the baby sleeps this time around. Rest... what's that? Having a toddler and a baby sure makes life busy. My days just fly by.
Admiration: I am in total awe of Camerin. When Isla was born, he took to parenthood so naturally. He is an absolutely incredible father and has proved himself, once again, with Annie. He is so in love with our girls and so involved with them both. He has spent so much time with Isla... building snowmen, jumping in puddles, taking her to the library or the grocery store and trying to show her that she is still so important to us and that we are madly in love with her, despite having to share our attention. He purposefully carves out time to bond with Annie... having tummy time, bathing her, rocking her to sleep, reading to her and simply loving her. He gets up at night after I feed Annie if she is fussy or needs a diaper change. And this is simply how he has cared for our girls. He has made our meals, done our laundry, ran our errands, among other things, all without a complaint. He is the most selfless man I have ever met and each day, I fall more in love with him. I simply stand in awe of who he is, his servant heart and his devotion to his family. I am blessed. Beyond measure.
This is just a glimpse into my life (and heart) from the past 3 weeks. There is lots I am missing. Life as a foursome has been an adjustment but a beautiful and organic one.
Pictures to come.